Truth to Cling to: Hearing Him while Laying Down

This week I had a few really "good" days.  For me that means I was able to do normal things like meet a friend at a park for a playdate, celebrate one of my best friend's birthdays, shop at the dollar store.  But with fibromyalgia, a few good days usually means I will have a few bad days afterward.  There is a balance of doing too much when I feel good, and pacing myself so I don't totally crash the next day.  I'm not very good at finding said balance.  So, today, I spent a lot of time on the couch or in my bed.  The kids played around me or watched Netflix until my husband got home.  And then I took a ridiculously long nap (almost 3 hours!!).  I was able to see my dad and be up for a bit and now I am back in my bed.  My legs hurt.  My feet hurt. My back, oh it hurts too.  I feel so tired...
So in this moment, I need truth to cling to.  I want to start writing these down as the LORD shows them to me because I know I will forget.  And He is so good to remind me.  

Right now the truth I need is that I can still hear Him, follow Him, serve Him, while lying down.  

I don't have to be upright to do this.  And my chosen text?  1 Sam. 3.  Here are a few excerpts:

Now the young man Samuel was ministering to the LORD under Eli....The lamp of God had not yet gone out, and Samuel was lying down in the temple of the LORD, where the ark of God was.  Then the LORD called Samuel, and he said, "Here I am!" and ran to Eli and said, "Here I am, for you called me." But he said, "I did not call; lie down again."  So he went and lay down. (vs. 1a, 3-5)

This scene replays itself two more times.  

...Then Eli perceived that the LORD was calling the young man....
"And the LORD came and stood, calling as at other times, 'Samuel!  Samuel!" And Samuel said, "Speak, for your servant hears." (vs. 8b, 10)

And then the text goes on to explain what the LORD told Samuel and how Samuel responded to Him.

In many ways since becoming chronically ill, I have felt "cast off" from serving the LORD.  I LOVE teaching little ones.  I used to teach the preschoolers at our church...before getting sick that is.  And Vacation Bible School - my FAVORITE week of the year!  This year I cried as my family went off and I stayed home in bed.  Talk about feeling useless!  But those thoughts are not true and I need to replace lies with truth.  Just as Samuel heard from the LORD while lying down, I can hear from Him in my bed.  I can choose to believe in His love for me and that He has a good purpose behind this.  When I'm crying over not being able to help at VBS or not being able to commit to holding babies in our church nursery, I can cry to HIM.  He understands.  I am NOT cast off from serving Him. When I forget this, I want to remember Samuel, who heard from God while lying down.

Steadfast Love - yes, even while in pain

I've been doing a Bible study by The Bible Study in Stereo on Psalm 1 and Psalm 103.  Basically it's a deep meditation on these passages along with a cd of the verses put into song for easy memorization.  One day during the study, the author had us read Genesis 39 to learn about Joseph.  Joseph followed the LORD, but he suffered greatly.  He was sold by his brothers to be a slave in Egypt.  While in Egypt he enjoyed prosperity until he was falsely accused and put into prison. I imagine the conditions of the Ancient Egyptian prisons were quite awful.
"And Joseph's master took him and put him into the prison, the place where the king's prisoners were confined, and he was there in prison." (vs. 20)
but what hit me is what is said next:
"But the LORD was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison."  (vs. 21)
In prison, in Joseph's suffering, in one of his darkest hours, God was with him and was showing him steadfast love.  It could be asked, where was God when Joseph was falsely accused?  Why did God let him even go to prison.  He could have stopped it.  But God had a higher purpose.  God used Joseph's time in prison to orchestrate a meeting with a certain cupbearer, who would later remember Joseph in God's perfect time which resulted in Joseph being released from prison (actually, Gen 41:14 calls it "the pit"), so that Joseph could ultimately be used by God to save many people from starvation, and encourage the multitudes down through the ages with his story.
On my bad, painful days, when every muscle hurts and I feel like I've been run over by a truck, God has been bringing these verses back to my mind.  Yes, I hurt and wish so badly that I didn't, but God is still showing me His steadfast love.  He could have stopped me from getting sick.  He could heal me by simply a thought or a word.  But I have to trust that He has a higher purpose for this pain.  He will not waste it. And in the midst of it, He is showing me His steadfast love.  Even when it doesn't feel like it, when every ache shouts doubtful thoughts of His love, I can make the choice to believe that all of this is part of His loving plan for me and for others around me.
Psalm 103 starts out by saying, "Bless the LORD, O my soul..." and in verse 4, "who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy."  As a follower of Jesus Christ, I am crowned with steadfast love.  I like to close my eyes and picture in my mind a sparkly crown swirling around my head covering me with love.  His love.  for me.  I want to bask in it, to soak it in. Yes, I am blessed.
LORD,
Thank You for showing me Your steadfast love.  I believe all Your intentions toward me are good and full of Your love.  Open my eyes to see this pain through Your eyes.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Summer Memories!

Summer is quickly coming to an end, but here are a few photos of what we've been up to.

Miss R has been baking lots of pancakes and even involves her siblings.  I love this sight in the morning!

4th of July in overalls!

Time at Grandma's watering her plants.

Playing with cousins

Being cute

My dear dear friend is having her first baby!  She is so beautiful pregnant!

We were able to buy a new-to-us wooden play set for the kids.

Goggles!

We've had a cooler summer.  More chances to wear overalls!  =)

Playing with rummage sale finds. 

Miss R got her first pair of heels.  And that is nail polish on the carpet, thank you Mr G. =)

The girls and I went with my parents to see my cousin get married.

We got to stay in a hotel...Miss O was thrilled!  At the wedding she told me she was crying she was so happy.

My parents

The girls danced the night away.  I was a little worried about my dad...Miss O was quite the dance partner!

Sisters

The big 3 had swimming lessons 4 days a week for 4 weeks.

Mr G hung out with me and our neighbors while the big kids swam.  He ate a lot of granola bars!

That's Miss R at the end of the slide!

Besides what you can see in the pictures, we've enjoyed trips to the library, the park, playing daily with our neighbors, Vacation Bible School, and piano lessons for the girls.  Jared takes Miss R for a bike ride almost every night.  It's their special time together.  We finished the first third of our new school year.  Miss R has been learning to bake and cook.  Miss O has been wearing an eye patch one hour a day.  She also enjoys "Mr. Sun" and pretending to fly.  Mr. N has enjoyed playing outside in his cozy coupe and mowing the lawn with his toy mower.  Mr G has been growing and jumping and running and has too many bumps and bruises to count!  And then of course every time he falls down he gets up and does it again!  Our life is full and I love it and am thankful!

Miss R has a birthday....really belated post!

So a few months ago, Miss R celebrated her 8th birthday.  Here are a few pics.

She wore her favorite dress.

And had her BFF over.  For lunch they made pancakes from scratch.

And ate cupcakes for dessert.  Then they played and played.  She had so much fun and said this was her best birthday yet!

My mom gave her this necklace.  She bought it before R was even born, after she found out I was having a girl.  Miss R just loves it and says that she feels "solemn" when she wears it. 

And then we had to have a party with the grandparents.  And more cake!  =)

What a special young lady Miss R is becoming.  She is growing up so fast and each year I learn more about her.  She is still an avid reader and talented writer.  She is compassionate and kind and hardworking.  She is creative and thoughtful.  I couldn't have asked for a better oldest child.  I love you so much Miss R.  Praying you have a wonderful year being 8!

Being Mommy while Ill

I haven't written on here much lately.  One reason has been because fibromyalgia exhausts me.  Some days the pain is worse and I think, I can deal with the fatigue...just not this pain.  And then others the reverse is true and I think, Oh, if only I wasn't so tired.  I can deal with pain but not this fatigue.  Along with this comes many difficult feelings.  Why?  Why do I have to get sick when I am still young and my children are so young?  And I can't keep up with the house.  Poor Jared has to do so much.  I feel so useless.  Why can't I just pull myself together and do more?  It does feel hopeless on some days.  Knowing that right now there is no cure, so this is how life is, and will be, if God decides not to heal me this side of Heaven. 
The LORD has been so faithful to convict my spirit when I have these thoughts.  And when I cry.  Yes, lots of tears have been shed.  But I really believe He has a purpose in my suffering that is good for me and good for my family.  The other night He led me to take some time and think about the things that I can still do for my family.  Here is what I came up with.
-I can snuggle my kids in the morning.
-I can kiss away their owies.  Sure others could, but there is something special about a Mommy-kiss.
-I can love them, so deeply, including all aspects of love: affection (emotional, physical, verbal), moral (law of love - in action), basic needs (do not need an immaculate home for this!), discipline (forming habits, correction, instruction)
-I can homeschool them with a mother's love, knowing my children.
-I can listen to them.
-I can create special memories - creative, doing what I can do at home, simple
-I can pray for them as a mother, teach them about God, lead them in devotion to God, to worship Him.
-I can be an example of faith through suffering.
I don't mean for this list to glorify myself. Of course these things can only be done in God's strength.  I'm learning each morning to pray as I get out of bed that He will give me strength for each task I need to do that day.  But this list is meant to encourage myself when I feel useless because of all that I can't do anymore.  When I long for the days where I could clean more than one room in my house without a nap, cook supper without needing to lie down afterward, do art projects with the kids.  I need to remember what I can still do.  And these are the things that matter.  I am so so thankful.